Today I was terrorized by three squirt gun-toting youths in the middle of the day on the Red Line. These kids were more than ready (and able) to kick my ass when I tried to stand up for myself. I ended up having to hit the emergency button and get the conductor to pull my ass out of the fire. A couple of weeks ago, an irate cabby spat at me when I didn’t cross the street fast enough for his liking. Don’t worry, gentle reader. He didn’t forget to throw in the obligatory curses such as “Suck my dick!” I hobbled in pursuit of this obnoxious offender to the cabstand on Mccadden. I started yelling righteous indignation at this man when I suddenly realized that he and his twenty or thirty cabby friends from the Motherland could easily knock me over the head and shove me into one of those convenient, nearby car trunks. What would happen next is open to conjecture, but I think we’ve all seen Hostel or Saw or both. I hobbled off to Hollywood Blvd to report the cabby to the barista at Starbucks.
I guess the point that I’m trying to make is NOT that I’m becoming a girly-armed wimp. NO! The point is this: People are despicable. I thought I knew just how despicable. But I didn’t know. Not until I got this cane. It just like that damnable Joni Mitchell song, “I’ve looked at life from both side now.” p.s. If you are curious about the winning digits for the Yellow Cab Miss Congeniality Contest, they are 6681.